Friday, July 22, 2011

Physically Divorce vs. Mentally Divorce

This is a 40 years old woman, who was married to her first husband, and they were together for 10 years but divorced now. She has been suffering from bipolar depression due to the divorce & miscarriage. She is been married to her second husband for 5 years. During her 5 years of marriage life, she encountered miscarriage 5 times. As a woman, she has gone through the greatest pain in this repeatable miscarriage. As a result of that, she has phobia to get pregnant again. After her divorce, the brokenness/failure of her first marriage has been carried forward to her present marriage life. Besides that, she has been suffering from the pain of miscarriage, which totally burnt her in daily life. She has a very stressful life and affected her career. 

In the event, even though she has been officially divorced by signing on a divorce legal paper with the first husband after 5 years, she is still stuck in her first marriage, as she is not mentally divorce her first husband. She can’t let go the pain that she has endured, and still attach with the anger and regret of the first marriage. She still has the anger and hatred towards her first husband, which has a negative impact on the present husband/marriage. She has become very suspicious, paranoid and insecure towards her present marriage and is under the impression that only by having a child would help to strengthen her present marriage. She has become very superstitious and has started idol worship in order to have a successful pregnancy. The failure of her first marriage has indeed corrupted her whole life, and her health condition was deteriorated as well due to the stress she is facing. She must let go the mental attachment with her first husband and understand the different family dynamics she has with her present husband.


My treatment plan will work on her based on: -

  • Family Therapy
  • Family Reconstruction
  • Forgiveness

Family Therapy

- Family therapy is based on the belief that family is a unique social system with its own structure & patterns of communication.

- The family therapists who use the family system model in CARING for people always consider the whole family. During therapy session, the family’s strengths are used to help their problem.

Family Reconstruction

- Family Reconstruction is one of the power tools that are used to connect in new ways with our own families.

- One of the major tools is to make changes in a dysfunctional family system. New eyes see old situations in a new framework, especially in relation to our ‘SELF’ level.

- Family reconstruction helps the body, mind & emotion move beyond stress, survival & coping to a more positive way of expressing and experiencing life.

- Forgiveness is an internal process, which is letting go of the intense emotional attachment to the past incidents.

- Forgiveness is a feeling of wellness, freedom and acceptance.

In conclusion, a divorce is not only an action that requires a signature on the legal paper, but you must ensure that you are physically and mentally well prepared before going through a divorce. If we can’t detach from our past failure, it will become a psychological scar for our entire life. It is important to heal and work on the scar, and learn from our past mistakes. From there, we must learn how to transfer the negative energy into positive energy, and add on to our life experience.  Otherwise, it might be a nightmare for lifetime. The impact will carry on to the future marriage or love life.

                                     ~ Expression of Love ~


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