CO- DEPENDENCY

Case Study – A Wife That Cannot Leave A Toxic Marriage

This case study involves a woman who was married to her childhood love of 15 years.  The 15 years of marriage cause a “relationship addiction” to an irresponsible husband. The man is very rich, he could easily afford her a sports car like a Porsche and gives her a large sum of money every month. She spends her time as a housewife and with nothing much to do, so just spends her time keeping to her indulging lifestyle and a shopaholic while waiting for husband to come back home to sleep every night.

Due to him being an alcoholic and womanizer, she laid down some conditions for him to follow so that she would feel secure of her status as his wife. Some of her toxic conditions prevent him from keeping any mistresses on the outside and he cannot father any children with anyone else. He must return back home every night to sleep with her. Some of these conditions laid out are quite unrealistic as it denies the fact that her husband has lost his love for her and is hoping the actions will prevent him from abandoning her.

But sadly, she found out very much later that her husband hadn’t kept to his promise at all. He had not one but a few mistresses on the side. Some of the mistresses have even given birth to his children. He still flirts with other woman apart from those who are his mistresses and herself as his wife. She tried to undergo cosmetic surgery and breast implants in the hope of winning her husband back to her. But sadly, he has already lost his interest and love for her. By now, he even openly womanises in front of her, showing her no respect at all while constantly subjecting her to his verbal and physical abuse.

By now she has become addicted to cosmetic surgery developing a condition called body dysmorphic disorder (where she becomes very pre-occupied with a slight or imagined “abnormality” in her appearance, which a person without such a disorder might interpret it as a quirk, individualistic or perfectly acceptable, causing significant emotional impairment.) She had even built up such a strong hatred of him but yet she is unable to leave him. Even though she has lost her love for him, the reason for her inability to divorce him was that she accepted this situation as her fate and she is still very dependent on him to finance her lifestyle and constant trips to the plastic surgeon. She lives every day struggling between the hate for him and the need for him to maintain her lifestyle. She is living within a comfort zone and that makes it very hard for her to leave him. Also, she has lost touch with the society making her lack the confidence to survive on her own.

In introspection, her 15 years of conditioning in the luxurious lifestyle he provided for her, it created a co-dependent conditioning on her. She can be living with a lot of anger, hatred and jealousy. She even went so far as to have repeated plastic surgery to remake her self-image. She hope to use this as a weapon against her husband by having affairs outside her marriage. But the conditioning is so strong she is unable to break free from him. It has formed like an invisible prison, keeping her trapped in a co-dependent relationship in the marriage.