C.H.R.I.S.S Special Education: FAMILY RECONSTRUCTION

Family Reconstruction

What is family reconstruction?

Family reconstruction is one of the power tools used to reconnect us in new ways back to our own families.
It can help change a family with a dysfunctional system by providing a new way to re-examine ourselves and our parents allowing us to see the present and future with new perspectives. This will open us up to greater possibilities, providing more choices and freedom, making us to become more responsible as a result.

What are the characteristics of healthy family?

Healthy families will exhibit the following important traits:

They accepts each other as equal in value
They interacts with important qualities like trust, honesty and openness
They not only have fun and laughter together, they are able to shoulder and swallow bitterness together as well
They will find ways to have intimacy with each other
They can work out their differences and resolves it
They encourage each other to take risks and grows from disappointments and failures
They exhibit shared responsibilities for the sake of each other
They construct a family belief system – the value of the family
They demonstrate care and concern for each other, i.e. play their role, show concern and is supportive to each other
They need to be congruent to each other, especially in their communication

What are the impacts from the family of origin?

What are impacts of the family of origin?

The improvements when the impact of the family of origin has been dealt with:

To understand the family dynamics
To recognize the family as a core
Must set a healthy boundary
Must have trust and confidence among the family members
Self-esteem has been raised
The person is now taking responsibility for his/her inner experience and his/her behaviour
The person is more congruent and more in charge of himself or herself
There must be recognition of each other
There must be acceptance of each other
Family members must provide support to each other
Must formed a good boundary amongst the family members
Within the family, they must be congruent to each other
They must also demonstrate transparency and trust

Forgiveness

What is forgiveness?

Forgiveness = Letting go
Forgiveness is an internal process
Forgiveness is a feeling of wellness, freedom and acceptance
Forgiveness is letting go of the intense emotional attachment to the past incidents

Without forgiveness there is no way to reconstruct the family
Especially for Chinese family, requires a lot of patience and tolerance and acceptance and understanding (the true nature in regards to gender bias view in the family).

What is the forgiveness process?

Unoad your emotional baggage like anger, shame, guilt and fear and stop taking all the blame for everything that ever happened to you.
Recognize that, you did survive, that you developed some personal strength and compassion as a result.
Appreciate yourself and live in here and now

The tools for reconstruction of a famiy

Courage
Creative
Risk-taking
Tolerance
Patience
Focus
Calmness
Priority
Follow your feelings (intuition), than to trust your intellect
Cannot make any drastic decision when one is subjected to emotional turbulence, just simple one step at a time
Give time for healing
Have good organization and planning skills
Ability to accept changes
Ability to accept losses
Cannot be calculative

Life After Family Reconstruction

To accept change is permanent
Everything is more intact
More secure and better boundaries
Family reconstruction helps the body, mind and emotion move beyond stress, survival and coping to a more positive way of expressing and experiencing life.
New perception to see old situations in a new framework, especially in relation to our “self” level. It is a way to regain and own our wholeness and we become more aware and accepting and lastly forgiveness and move on our new path happily.
To allow the family members a second chance to grow, offering the other members the opportunity to change for the better

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