Monday, August 12, 2013


Family Reconstruction

What is family reconstruction?

  • Family reconstruction is one of the power tools used to reconnect us in new ways back to our own families.
  • It can help change a family with a dysfunctional system by providing a new way to re-examine ourselves and our parents allowing us to see the present and future with new perspectives. This will open us up to greater possibilities, providing more choices and freedom, making us to become more responsible as a result.

What are the characteristics of healthy family?

Healthy families will exhibit the following important traits:

  • They accepts each other as equal in value
  • They interacts with important qualities like trust, honesty and openness
  • They not only have fun and laughter together, they are able to shoulder and swallow bitterness together as well
  • They will find ways to have intimacy with each other
  • They can work out their differences and resolves it
  • They encourage each other to take risks and grows from disappointments and failures
  • They exhibit shared responsibilities for the sake of each other
  • They construct a family belief system – the value of the family
  • They demonstrate care and concern for each other, i.e. play their role, show concern and is supportive to each other
  • They need to be congruent to each other, especially in their communication

What are the impacts from the family of origin?

  • Family rules
  • Family beliefs
  • Family member’s resources
  • Family member’s bad influence
  • Family member’s positive influences
  • Family member’s energy
  • Family member’s appreciation
  • Family member’s communication
  • Family member’s coping

What are impacts of the family of origin?

The improvements when the impact of the family of origin has been dealt with:

  • To understand the family dynamics
  • To recognize the family as a core
  • Must set a healthy boundary
  • Must have trust and confidence among the family members
  • Self-esteem has been raised
  • The person is now taking responsibility for his/her inner experience and his/her behaviour
  • The person is more congruent and more in charge of himself or herself
  • There must be recognition of each other
  • There must be acceptance of each other
  • Family members must provide support to each other
  • Must formed a good boundary amongst the family members
  • Within the family, they must be congruent to each other
  • They must also demonstrate transparency and trust


What is forgiveness?

  •  Forgiveness = Letting go
  • Forgiveness is an internal process
  • Forgiveness is a feeling of wellness, freedom and acceptance
  • Forgiveness is letting go of the intense emotional attachment to the past incidents
    • Without forgiveness there is no way to reconstruct the family
    • Especially for Chinese family, requires a lot of patience and tolerance and acceptance and understanding (the true nature in regards to gender bias view in the family).
  • Forgiveness is taking back your power
  • Forgiveness is moving on
  • Forgiveness is for you
  • Forgiveness is accepting
  • Forgiveness can improve your mental and physical health
  • Forgiveness can help a person to grow better
  • Forgiveness can prevent self-punishment
  • Forgiveness helps to develop a more healthy, physically and mentally
  • Forgiveness helps us to be more congruent
  • Forgiveness can help you to achieve self-actualization
  • Forgiveness brings relief to one’s own internal struggle
  • Forgiveness creates just a healthy lifestyle
  • Forgiveness can bring peace within oneself, peace among and peace between
  • Forgiveness helps one to appreciate life to a fuller extent

 What is the forgiveness process?

  • Unoad your emotional baggage like anger, shame, guilt and fear and stop taking all the blame for everything that ever happened to you.
  • Recognize that, you did survive, that you developed some personal strength and compassion as a result.
  • Appreciate yourself and live in here and now

The tools for reconstruction of a famiy

  • Courage
  • Creative
  • Risk-taking
  • Tolerance
  • Patience
  • Focus
  • Calmness
  • Priority
  • Follow your feelings (intuition), than to trust your intellect
  • Cannot make any drastic decision when one is subjected to emotional turbulence, just simple one step at a time
  • Give time for healing
  • Have good organization and planning skills
  • Ability to accept changes
  • Ability to accept losses
  • Cannot be calculative

Life After Family Reconstruction

  • To accept change is permanent
  • Everything is more intact
  • More secure and better boundaries
  • Family reconstruction helps the body, mind and emotion move beyond stress, survival and coping to a more positive way of expressing and experiencing life.
  • New perception to see old situations in a new framework, especially in relation to our “self” level. It is a way to regain and own our wholeness and we become more aware and accepting and lastly forgiveness and move on our new path happily.
  • To allow the family members a second chance to grow, offering the other members the opportunity to change for the better


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